I have spent 30 years in a body that I'm completely irresponsible with... I live the all too common story of do too much, sleep too little, and live on processed food and caffeine. I spend a lot of time complaining and no time making changes...it's time to turn the crazy train around and start taking care of my only body! This is my story as I am supported by Port Moody's Innovative Fitness and Impulse Sport Therapeutics to quit the excuses and get this body under control.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Starting 2012 with the puppy-diet
I am beginning the year with what is quickly proving to be the most effective diet ever....
Step 1: get a puppy (the crazier the puppy the better)
Step 2: take care of the puppy
That's pretty much it.
Reasons why this diet works...
1. when puppies are awake they don't EVER stop chewing your stuff, running, urinating/crapping on your floor, and pretty much being distracting in every way....this both keeps you up and moving and eliminates any time you used to have to eat
2. when puppies are asleep they are very likely to be on top of you in some way or another....even sleeping in close proximity places a healthy fear of moving to get something to eat in case the noise or movement causes the puppy to wake up (which would subsequently lead to urination on something). Plus I'm fairly certain that waking a sleeping puppy is illegal in some way... at the very least, ethically wrong.
3. Puppies require a significant amount of pre-leaving-the-house prep time, which is easily combined with doing this for yourself. Vitamins? - no problem! Lunch prep? - you're doing it anyways! (although I do recommend choosing different foods than you feed your pup....unless you love kibble, or food that looks and smells much like vomit)
4. Puppies are exhausting which leads to an increased need to sleep at night
5. They need plenty of exercise or they become cranky and bark (so says the dog whisperer) which means you get to walk too (unless you can figure out a way to walk your dog from the comfort of your sofa....treadmill?)
Case in point...
Look down at yourself... are you fat? Yes? Get a puppy right now.
 |
| Harlow |
Step 2: take care of the puppy
That's pretty much it.
Reasons why this diet works...
1. when puppies are awake they don't EVER stop chewing your stuff, running, urinating/crapping on your floor, and pretty much being distracting in every way....this both keeps you up and moving and eliminates any time you used to have to eat
2. when puppies are asleep they are very likely to be on top of you in some way or another....even sleeping in close proximity places a healthy fear of moving to get something to eat in case the noise or movement causes the puppy to wake up (which would subsequently lead to urination on something). Plus I'm fairly certain that waking a sleeping puppy is illegal in some way... at the very least, ethically wrong.
3. Puppies require a significant amount of pre-leaving-the-house prep time, which is easily combined with doing this for yourself. Vitamins? - no problem! Lunch prep? - you're doing it anyways! (although I do recommend choosing different foods than you feed your pup....unless you love kibble, or food that looks and smells much like vomit)
4. Puppies are exhausting which leads to an increased need to sleep at night
5. They need plenty of exercise or they become cranky and bark (so says the dog whisperer) which means you get to walk too (unless you can figure out a way to walk your dog from the comfort of your sofa....treadmill?)
Case in point...
Look down at yourself... are you fat? Yes? Get a puppy right now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)