Nutrition...again

So I met with new member on my Innovative Fitness support team Richard Alm this morning - he specializes in Bio-Signature assessments/planning (later I'll get into what this is exactly but basically it is nutrition planning that targets areas of issue etc...lots of intimidating things like body composition measurements, using calipers to measure fat (ummm rad), weigh-ins etc...(pretty much my nightmare). Today was just a chat day about what my life and brain look like to get some direction as to the best way to move forward. How I'm feeling about it is so difficult to explain in writing (much like my recent entry about conflicting feelings), but here's my attempt....
1. I feel really overwhelmed and upset because it's pretty clear that it's time to deal with this...I have 4 guys pushing for me to make some major changes and I honestly can't see an avenue to avoid facing my food issues etc any longer (and trust me I have looked for one!) The knowledge that I may have exhausted every avenue of avoidance is surprisingly upsetting.

2. I feel really excited for the same reasons that I'm upset...making some serious changes to long long term habits seems to be unavoidable. It's a bit like I'm at the top of a hill and there's no choice but rolling down the other side...this has been such a huge struggle in my life that the idea of moving on is pretty significant and truthfully I have butterflies just typing this (the prospect of freedom from food issues is emotional to say the very least).

3. I feel gratitude. How many people in the world are struggling with the same issues that I am, but don't have this amazing support system of trainers (who are beyond committed to seeing me succeed), family & friends, and resources...I'm beyond blessed. It is a big motivator truthfully because I feel like I am wasting everyone's time and energy if I don't put in just as much commitment.
My comments about being pushed into making some changes shouldn't be misunderstood - as I've said before, I am a firm believer in choice (which Richard did bring up today - he also believes that most things are a choice even if they don't seem to be). I just mean that I currently have a team of people on all sides that are making choosing un-health extremely difficult. When choosing to be unhealthy becomes harderthan choosing to be healthy, making some change seems inevitable?Other than talking about choice, Richard and I also discussed all of the problems being overweight will bring (and is bringing) which I do know but it's good to have it laid out. We talked about fear and embarrassment, being ready to make change (when it comes down to it nothing will happen unless I WANT it), motivators (am I motivated by greed/want or by fear/pain and how do I direct those toward achievingmy goals). Talking about goals made me pretty thoughtful because if I were to write down my goals around health (which I've actually never done), barely anything I have done over the last few years supports these goals... interesting. I am going to have to give some serious thought to why I am putting so much energy into things that directly go against my goals.
My homework from Richard for now is to eat breakfast (2 eggs or meat), increase protein intake, take a multivitamin & fish oil (which they gave me at IF), and no more sugar drinks - only water. I have been given plenty of nutritional homework this year and have done none of it...time to buckle down and give my support team (and myself) the commitment we all deserve. I am going to meet with Richard for a bit and then move on to perhaps combining his stuff with Licious Living which I have on hold for a short while until I have more of an idea of what exactly I should be including in my program...I know that the reason I was signing up for Licious is that I don't seem to be able to have the discipline to make changes to my diet....I'm going to try my very best to do it do it do it this time (insert any quote you like about "not trying, just doing" here).It's going to be really hard for me so beware to everyone in my path for the next while since grumpy Leah is likely on the horizon! Roar!

Nutrition - a slurpee for dinner is healthy right?

Speaking of challenges and issues with nutrition.....

This was dinner yesterday (multi-tasked with work of course)
(please note that I take no responsibility for Adam's shorts - not sure what's up with
wearing them like a diaper)

 

Endurance

I'm nearly 5 months into this health makeover and I'm thoughtful, frustrated, and excited with where I'm at...those things may seem to conflict, but for me they go hand in hand. I have made minimal progress since I began as far as weight loss goes for a multitude of reasons (nutrition absolutely being the main challenge) which has made me more frustrated with myself than I thought possible. This frustration though is also strangely exciting because to me it means continued work on the biggest challenge of my life and I'm proud to be far from giving up. Week by week I am working on the same issues and although to some degree that sucks, I know that if I don't give up, eventually I WILL find the other side. This is the most challenging, frustrating, emotional, exciting, hope-filled, rewarding experience of my life.
Blogging has been a great way to get thoughts out and keep some accountability, but I have to admit there are holes where the challenges lie. I feel as though I don't want to be the girl who week after week is writing the same story of the same (often embarrassing) challenges....the truth is, however, that sometimes that IS the story. Everyone's path is so different and mine happens to include some really boring and really important parts that I (and you) need to endure to get to the end.
The other day I was watching "Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition" which is unusual because despite their popularity, I hate weight loss shows. The guy they were featuring on this particular episode caught my eye and strangely it ended up having a lot of impact. So many things about James' story hit home for me including embarrassment (after deciding to make some changes he worked out only in the middle of the night so no one could see him face his challenges) and 1/3 of the way through his year long project he had lost only 11 lbs (in case you don't read the update section of this blog - I am about the same amount of time into my health project and also at 11 lbs lost). After this emotional weigh-in, James had a breakthrough and ended up cutting his weight in half over the next 2/3 of the year. It was a great reminder and encouragement to me that making big changes come with big challenges and not to give up....as Buddha wisely let us know "Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2006327/Extreme-Makeover-Weight-Loss-Edition-James-loses-record-breaking-313lbs-1-year.html




I wonder if 2012 can expect half a Leah?

Nutrition - Licious Living

MEAL DELIVERY

Healthy, fresh, licious meals. Delivered. De-Licious.

Licious is your own personal shopper, nutritionist, health champion, gourmet chef and cool best friend all rolled into one.
We are all about helping you fuel up for that fabulous, licious journey you'll take. And we're like the map too. The map to help you develop healthy eating habits and learn about portion control. And we even do the driving. (Well, really the cooking and the delivering). You do the driving.
It's food you'll love. And it'll love you back in return.

HOW IT WORKS

Licious Personal Plans -101: 

a) you choose your healthy, gourmet meals or diet plans;
b) we prepare them all liciously and deliver to your door
c) you heat them up and enjoy.
It’s that simple.  Seriously.
Some diet plans like the Zone provide really dramatic results, but practically require a degree in precision planning and preparation.  Our chefs turn those challenging diets into gourmet cuisine.  Convenient, healthy gourmet cuisine.  Now that’s a concept.
Every night between 9 pm and 6 am while you’re fast asleep (or out partying – who are we to judge?), your insulated cooler is delivered to you with the following day's personalized meals and snacks. The meals are kept fresh on ice and the cooler is locked with a super James Bondesque security tag.  (A deposit is required to make sure the coolers are all returned, which is fully refundable).
Simply remove the lids from our microwavable (and recyclable) dishes and heat. Or, put the meals on a fancy schmancy plate and pretend you slaved in the kitchen all day.  It’s more fun that way.
Then, recycle the containers and leave the empty cooler where we dropped it off and it will be replaced with a new one every night. It's that simple.  And enough to make a grown-up jump with joy.
If you live in a house, your cooler will be left where you tell us too. (And we listen – not like some 9 year old with his socks). If you live in an apartment building we can leave it with the concierge or in another safe place of your choice. If your building doesn’t have one of those friendly-say-hi-to-you-everyday concierges, you can make arrangements to provide our delivery staff with a building key to leave your cooler outside your apartment door.

THE SERVICE

Which healthy personal meal delivery plan is right for you?

That is kind of like asking what vacation is right for you or what hat is right for you. We could suggest skiing in the Alps with a toque. But what if you'd rather surf in the sun with a sombrero? It all depends on your personal needs and goals.
For instance, the Zone plan will be up your alley if you are into weight loss and optimum weight maintenance. Healthy Living is - well .. all about healthy living.
Meal plans are available for a minimum 10 day purchase. Above that, choose any number of days a week you like from 1 - 7. How's that for flexible?
All our meals are cooked to the precise specifications of the individual diets. Precise. (We're neurotic like that). They are prepared daily using the freshest, highest quality, most licious, adjective-worthy ingredients. Oh, and we never, never, ever use preservatives or additives. That just wouldn't be Licious now would it?

Nutrition -

So two weeks ago I set myself a bit of an ultimatum that if I couldn't get myself eating properly (healthy food, eating regularly through the day, smaller portion sizes) within a two week period (that's now), that I would take more drastic measures. I have, in fact, eaten almost nothing but carbohydrates for the last week (including one day of jujubes for breakfast) and have clearly proven to myself that although I am trying to be committed, my old habits are deeply rooted.
I have decided that the "more drastic measures" I mentioned is going to be the use of a company that organizes my meals and delivers them to me each day. I'm hoping to only have to utilize this system for a few months until I have established some new and healthier habits which I can maintain on my own. This should be a good match for my "all or nothing" compulsive-ish personality because I can clearly establish the rule that I don't eat ANYTHING that didn't arrive in my daily package. I don't have to make decisions in the grocery store, I don't have to find the time to cook, I don't have to debate between something healthy and it's unhealthy yet delicious counterpart.....I can just remove all decisions around food and eat what arrives. Hopefully it will be an effective way to make some changes...

http://www.liciousliving.com/main
This is the company I will be signing up with - they work with Innovative Fitness often (and were recommended to my by them). They will speak with my trainer and nutritionist to establish a daily calorie amount etc that is suited to me and then cook me a variety of delicious, organic, & healthy foods each week so I can finally get my eating under control.
I'm looking forward to trying this completely different (and somewhat drastic) approach to making some change to what foods make it into my body!

Too much to say...

It's been a while since my last blog post mostly because I have too much to say and keep procrastinating on my invevitable super lengthy blog session! ha. The more time that passes however, the more I have to say so I think I better suck it up and get started (apparently procrastination is never the answer? So weird).

Oh the irony - my client just showed up so it will have to wait for a few more hours!

Nutrition - cheaterkarma

Today I ate extremely well.....yay me?? I would celebrate my discipline and success, but I tried to cheat twice and failed miserably
#1. After an early morning workout, healthy breakfast/lunch, and busy work morning I realized that of course all that hard work deserved a treat? I headed to the post office and en route picked myself up some SmartFood popcorn (SmartFood fun fact:  not one bit smart nutritionally).  Second bite and I breathe in when I should be swallowing...before i know it I'm pretty much dying in the middle of the sidewalk. It took hysterical coughing and a near-barf-experience to shoot that stupid little kernal out. I was pretty disconcerted both at the fact that SmartFood almost killed me and that this whole thing took place in the middle of crowded Lonsdale and no-one even asked if I was ok! (more like skirted around me quickly to avoid catching the plague that I was clearly coughing onto everyone in passing). Anyways - I'm alive - that's good.
#2. This exhausting day of being healthy and nearly dying clearly deserved a quesadilla for dinner. I will just get straight to the end...when I grabbed the plate my finger was met with burning cheese and I jerked back without thinking...bam! the quesadilla flew off the plate and landed right on my chest!!! My tank top was no match for a flying hot quesadilla and I am left with post-tragedy war wounds. I tried to take a picture of the burn on my left chest but it really did look fairly pornographic (I thought after talking about the naked minute I should lay low on the nudity references which I figure pretty much rules out photos of my boob).

So I nearly ended my life prematurely via choking and have second degree cheese burns on my boob, but I ate really well today - good news!

Although it has nothing to do with my nutrition (or anything really), I will mention that the clerk at Safeway where I bought my aforementioned groceries was named Valva....for some reason just knowing that there's someone out there with the name Valva makes all my problems seem smaller.

The daily naked minute

As I mentioned - I'm officially taking control and acknowledging the power of choice.....
I think the first step for me is getting really comfortable with my body and being honest with myself about where I'm at...since I avoid looking at myself naked at all costs, I can't imagine I am really being that honest  (and I'm less and less comfortable in my own skin).
The naked minute...
I am committing to one minute a day of looking at myself naked - good and not-as-good (the eventual goal is to do this without judgement...I can feel good or bad at any other time of the day but for the naked minute I hope to just acknowledge what's really there)....I am going to look at my pale skin that veins show through, I'm going to look at the stretch marks I may or may not have (you'll never know), I'm going to look at the things I love about my body, I'm going to look at the tattoos that I got when I was way too young to get tattoos, I'm going to look at all my freckles and moles (including the one on my butt that I avoid because it's kind of weird....not hairy and ugly weird ...more like why-are-you-there weird)....I'm even going to move around and not suck in my stomach (there will be no self-deception here) for one full true-self-acknowledging minute.
I just did my first minute and now I'm going to go to bed and try to sleep it off.

Inspiration - Choice

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”
- Robert Bennett


“We shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Time to put on my big girl panties

Well I've been trying to get to sleep for the last hour but unfortunately my neighbor is noisily pruning her tree (of course she is....I feel bad that I'm annoyed because midnight tree pruning is normal and acceptable yes?).
So I am up to listen to Eddie Vedder's new album (Oh Eddie - how I love you and your ukulele) including his remake of Dream a Little Dream - genius. This in combination with the fairly significant over-consumption of alcohol I had celebrating the Canucks win in the second game of the final series, is making me extremely thoughtful....

When did I become such a whiner? I don't mean about things like midnight pruning and other extremely valid issues...I mean about all the stupid things I have recently rolled my eyes or scoffed at, complained about, made a face at?? Am I becoming a negative nelly? Have I sunk to the depths of being a debbie downer? This is potentially an emergency and I am officially banishing the following...
"only 30 more seconds Leah" *leah rolls her eyes while tossing her hair in complaint*
"I can't"
"5 more to go Leah - you're doing great" *Leah makes a guttural noise indicating that she is far too busy and upset to even acknowledge the fact that she has 5 more to go*
"Nooooo"
"seriously?"
"ya - that's not happening"
"I have to stop and tie my shoelace...yep again"
" I hate sugar boo hoo poor me"
"life's so hard when you're trying to lose weight - I'm for sure the only person in the world who is having this problem and it's so very very terrible"
"ummmm - if I do that my boob is for sure going to kill me or someone nearby"
"this is too hard"
"________ I think I actually might _______ you" (insert trainer and threat of choice)
"only 700 more times up and down these stairs before you drag the tire around Leah" *Leah glares over at her cheery and supportive IF trainer and drops the F-Bomb*

In all seriousness - I am so caught up in how hard this is that I think I am forgetting to fight my way through it. It is my choice to put food in my mouth, it is my choice to move my body or not, it is my choice to not leave enough time to get somewhere, it is my choice how I react to something....the choices are not easy and the outcomes are not easy - but they are still choices and I don't like the ones I'm making. Today I choose to put my big girl panties on and start taking some control.

Feeling considerably less than amazing

Although things are turning around, the last few weeks have been pretty tough. I have really been making a solid effort to change my terrible eating habits and have also changed some medication (including birth control pills which any girl will tell you seem to be directly connected to our tear ducts and patience level?). I have been an emotional wreck which is not like me at all - yesterday I cried on poor Ivan at Innovative!! There wasn't even anything wrong...I was on the treadmill and I got so frustrated with trying to keep my legs running...I didn't even see those crazy tears coming! Then we're doing some completely non-stressful stretching and BAM - tears! Poor Ivan.
I'm not feeling discouraged or upset about having some challenges at the moment - I think that making changes to a lifestyle that has been solidly one way for decades is bound to come with some bad days! (or tons of them). I have no doubt that crazy Leah will eventually become happily healthy Leah.